My dad is such a pain in the ass. It’s like I’m the parent and he’s the kid, I hate it. He’s always telling me his stupid problems whether it’s financial or about my mom or about his dad getting sick whatever he dumps it all on me and it’s not like he’s trying to get things off his chest. He is always complaining he is so fucking annoying! Hello! I’m the teenager I should be the one complaining about stupid things! Sometimes I just want to strangle him and shut him up for good! But I’m no murderer… My dad just uses me; he never takes me anywhere if I go out at all it’s to run errands for him. He is so fucking selfish not once does he consider my feelings all he can think about is himself. I always have to stick up for myself he can’t even do that right all he does is end up embarrassing me. He doesn’t even try, he doesn’t even care… I like to think that he does love me… in his own way that is. Why do I have such a screwed up family? My dad is such a push over he let’s everyone at work push him around and walk all over him. Man, they laugh in his and the idiot thinks that they’re laughing at his joke, as if. Its embarrassing what a loser he is, and its really sad cause he has so much potential. If only he could stop being such a wimp and stand up to his jerk of a so called boss. How can I respect him if he cant even earn the trust of those around him. Its no wonder why I’m depressed half the time. He never listens to me; I’m just some dumb kid what the hell do I know? Well at least I don’t let people push me around besides I’m 18 an adult, officially! Dumb git. I just don’t know how to talk to him anymore and it’s not like I haven’t tried but everything I say goes in one ear and comes out the other. At fist it seems like he’s listening and he says a lot of sweet sentimental stuff, I fall into his little web of lies, forgive him and then he does it all over again god! He can be so mean sometimes and he has no idea how hurtful. He’s always lying I hate it. And he’s always fighting in front of us (my sister and I) no parent with even a shred of decency, education and respect for his kids would do that, that’s something you do in private. I hate him so much… every time I think about it I just want to cry. Some times when we’re in the car (on rare occasions) and my parents are fighting I snap and I yell for him to stop… and sometimes when I really really lose it I tell him he should be ashamed. lol (I know I’m pathetic.) Of course that doesn’t accomplish anything but what’s really hurtful is his response. “shut the fuck up and stay the hell out of this!” … I said please… and after everything I do and have done for him how could he treat me like that? He makes me feel like nothing it’s actually the other way around. If he loves me he definitely doesn’t show it. Sometimes I get really pissed off at him and I snap and say something like “I’m sick of being your personal secretary have you no shame? I’m your daughter not your mother” you who what he does? He gives me a guilt trip! He says something like “what about all the favors I’ve done for you? I take you to school everyday and how many times have I taken you in when your mother has kicked you out!?” oh my fucking god! He’s got some nerve! I cant believe him! The things I’ve done for him more than covers it, and since when are we keepings records!? I don’t own him anything! He’s my father! (unfortunately) and those aren’t favors! They’re called responsibilities as a parent! he’s supposed to do all those things! Its called being human! God! Its not like I asked to move in with him I would have been much happier at my friend’s place but of course he wouldn’t allow that so what the hell is complaining about!? How could he say that? He’s got the balls to take advantage and use me; his daughter the only person that will help him cause my mother couldn’t give a shit, even when they rushed him to the emergency room, who was the one that wouldn’t leave his side and signed all the paper work and stayed up all night in the hospital in a crusty old chair just so that he wouldn’t have to be alone!? Me that’s right me my mom didn’t even call and I got into huge trouble with my mom cause because of him and his stupid problem at the hospital I broke plans that I had made with my mom and she got jealous that I chose my dad over her and she kicked me out of the house and do you think that he tried to talk to my mom to try and smooth things over for me? of course not! I had to do it all myself! And who do you think made sure he got home care while I couldn’t be there to help him out? And who do you think cooked and cleaned and helped him changed all that time he was incapacitated? It was all me but does he see that? Does he appreciate that? No! no he doesn’t! he’s got the balls to do all of that but he wont even stand up to his stupid boss!? How can I be anything but mad? He treats me like shit but he lets everyone else use him like a rug! What the hell is that? How can I not shut myself out from the world around me? Can you honestly blame me? All I want to do is crawl into a hole and die. Your parents are supposed to be your shelter. The person you run to for anything, but who do you run to when the one that causes you pain is the one that’s supposed to make it go away? My mom, now she’s a whole other story. Don’t get me wrong, she great, a lot better than my dad. I wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t. she’s my dad’s total opposite a true example of that saying “opposites attract” here’s the “but” sometimes… a lot of the time (especially lately) she can be just as bad as my dad. She doesn’t dump her problems on me, she keeps them inside, to herself which can be just as bad. She thinks she’s such a great mom touching it out, keeping it all to herself. until it all piles up that is. To point that any little thing, no matter how “little” tops the knot, she snaps and goes psycho mom on me, losing all judgment all sense of proportion. She takes small things like, I don’t know forgetting to put the cap back on the toothpaste and makes it into this huge issue, like getting pregnant or something. And she can be so mean, to think she’d be capable of saying such things is unthinkable. She belittle me, insults me she says such hurtful things, things you don’t easily forget. And for what? Not putting the cap back on the toothpaste? I don’t think so; it goes way deeper than that. And she’s so stubborn! She will never say she’s sorry or admit that she was wrong. She always blames other people and makes up excuses instead of just admitted that she’s not perfect and she made a mistake. I know she loves me, I don’t doubt it, and I love her too, so much. That’s why it hurts so much when she does those things. And the thing is, she always focuses all her rage and frustration at me, I’m the target. She uses me to vent on, blow steam. She takes it all out on me. But I can only take so much I’m just a kid! I know she’s got problems and that she’s just frustrated and that she doesn’t mean any of it, bah blah blah.  But it still hurts like hell. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take, though I do have to admit that all the good things my mom has done for me all my life out ways the bad by far. But no matter what I do its like I’m always caught in the middle my mom on one side and my dad on the other. I’ve got frustrations too, its like I’m the only one that cant vent. With my mom and dad always venting/complaining there’s no room for me. Are they dumb or what? I’m a teen for goodness sakes! I should be the one venting and lashing out and all of that. I am a human being and I have feelings too why are they so fucking selfish!?       

Songs I can totally relate to right now…

Break Away – Kelly Clarkson

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson