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7月30日 Mom,All you ever do is tell me how selfish I am, how everything I do, I do to hurt you. All you ever do is point out all my faults and bad qualities everything you say about me is always negative. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I was suffering too? Did you even care?
If I only think of myself I learned it from you. All you ever cared about was your pain and your problems and you still do, it's always been that way before I even met David. I had no one to talk to, no one who cared I was alone and always in my room. I had no friends. I wanted to die but all you cared about was yourself, your problems, in otherwords me; because that's what I was to you, your problem because I was making you look bad, people thought you were a bad mother because I wasnt going school and being the perfect daughter you always wanted. It's not my fault that I have issues I have those issues because of you and dad.
All you did and do is make me feel bad about myself, I was depressed all I wanted was someone to make me feel needed and loved. The Joke you sent me about the man who had a bad day and wanted to kill himself and couldnt even do that right, thats how I felt when I was living at home no matter how hard I tried I could never please you. I could never do anything right even when I did something good instead of getting praise you'd always point out how I could have done better, nothing was ever enough for you. I was never enough for you.
I felt alone, I wanted to die and you knew that but that was a joke to you, just like my poems and just like my life. All my life is to you is a joke. If you stoped thinking about yourself for just one moment you might stop to consider that I am not doing this to hurt you or to make you feel bad and this is not revenge and I am not trying you get back at you. Maybe you'd consider that what David and I have is real and we love each other.
When I met David I met some who made me feel good about myself, someone who would listen to my problems and not judge me. Someone who would hug me when I'm sad. Even when we fight he comes back and hugs me and tells me that he still loves me even though we dont always agree. He understands me and loves me for who I am faults and all. Thats all I ever wanted from you. But I guess that was too much to ask for. Maybe the reason I am doing this is to make me feel happy and stop wanting to hurt myself, not to make you unhappy and maybe that's selfish, but wanting me to go back home; to the depressive, unhappy state that I was in just so that you can be happy is selfish too, so I guess I learned it from you. If you loved me you would want me to be happy. 引用通告此日志的引用通告 URL 是： http://rubymoon500.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!FB69EA6479FBE8C7!3097.trak 引用此项的网络日志
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